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If a movie’s success was measured in internet debate, Watchmen would be the most successful movie of the year. As befitting one of the most beloved graphic novels of all time, its adaptation came under more scrutiny than last year’s presidential election and the Superbowl combined. No member of the Watchmen was the subject of more discussion than Dr. Manhattan’s. In a Playtime exclusive, we are proud to present penile actor Woody McJohnson’s personal account of working on Watchmen.

Woody, first of all congratulations on the success of Watchmen. You must be proud to have been a part of the experience.

Thanks! It was a tremendous experience working with such a talented cast and crew and I couldn’t be happier with the result.

Do you feel that this is your big break? That you have finally found acceptance by the mainstream crowd?

I don’t know… Sort of, I guess. I’ve certainly been the subject of much discussion, but I don’t think that penile actors are as accepted as other actors. There’s still a stigma about our trade, and we’re still viewed with a certain amount of disdain. Or dare I say envy.

Well TV actors have always been regarded as second rate in the past, but in the current golden age of television, the distinction between TV actors and movie actors has largely disappeared…

True, true! But I wager it will be a while before I make any television appearances! (laughs)

You’ve had a lot of smaller parts before getting the Watchmen gig…

Lady, in my opinion there are no small parts. It’s what you do with them that counts.

But still, you’ve plodded the Hollywood back-alleys for quite some time now.

Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’ve had lean times between parts. I was fortunate enough to establish a good working relationship with a couple of actors and that kept me employed. Harvey Keitel was kind enough to throw the odd part my way. Without him, I would have had to resort to porn eventually…

Speaking of Harvey Keitel, have you heard about the upcoming Werner Herzog/Nicolas Cage remake of Bad Lieutenant? Is there a chance you’ll reprise your role?

You know what, I’ve moved beyond that. I wish them all the success in the world, but it’s an entirely different movie. I wouldn’t say no to a cameo though.

Back to Watchmen. It must have been difficult working with so much CGI.

It was, but luckily I’ve had green-screen experience before. I played Kevin Bacon’s pecker in Hollow Man. You’d be surprised by the amount of screen-time I had in that movie. Paul [Verhoeven, the director of Hollow Man] insisted that I’d be in as many scenes as feasible. So every time you see a shot of the Hollow Man in the smoke, or in the water, or in infra-red, I’m in that scene acting my balls off. I gotta give a shout out to my man Paul, he’s the one who gave me my first big break in a mainstream Hollywood production. And it reunited me with Kevin Bacon, my co-star from Wild Things. The guy is an absolute delight to work with. Of course, the CGI in Watchmen was even more intense and time consuming than in Hollow Man.  I’m no stranger to being touched, in fact I quite enjoy it. But it’s different when some tech-head is attaching ping-pong balls all over you and there’s a director standing around shouting “Swing left! Great, now swing right!”.

Were you surprised by the controversy surrounding your part?

Not really. I mean, Watchmen is one of the most critically acclaimed graphic novels in the world, and there is no audience more critical than the comic book buyers. We all knew going in that we’d be hauled over hot coals if we didn’t get it right. I’d like to think we gave a good account of ourselves.

I meant more your part in specific. There’s been discussion that your length wasn’t consistent from scene to scene.

Oh that? Yeah, it surprised me.  But come on, you work on different days and on different sets and the temperatures aren’t always consistent you know? So yeah, I admit, there was a certain amount of shrivelage in some scenes, but hey. Doesn’t everybody hunch up against the cold? It’s only human.

What about the fact that you were rather prominent in some scenes?

Oh, grow up. It’s not like I was slapping the camera during those scenes. That happened only once and I meant it as a joke. It went over really well with the crew too. Watch for it on the DVD blooper reel. But yeah, it shows that audiences still have a long while to go before fully accepting penile actors.  But here’s an interesting fact: looking at a penis does not make you gay!

It doesn’t make me straight, either.

It doesn’t? Well, damn!

Edits by Matt Schneider